Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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