I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
