Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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