I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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