i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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