You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
