I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
