i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
