wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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