I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
