Im at strip club and am horny
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
