eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were trust falling into bushes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
