you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
