I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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