I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
