she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
