how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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