Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
