atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
