I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
