My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
