If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
