i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
