got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
