i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
