O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
