Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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