we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
