it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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