hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
