wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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