Can Purell be used as lube?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
