The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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