mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
