Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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