A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
