I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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