It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
