U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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