My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
