I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
only if we run a train.
done.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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