it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
