The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
