either way he was missing a nipple.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
