you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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