First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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