Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
