you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
