there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
