I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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