Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
