Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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