We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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