Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
